


Arthur suffers from intrucive thoughts

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:26:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27742216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: I think Arthur suffers from what we call intrucive thoughts. The definition of it is:“An intrusive thought is an unwelcome, involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate. “I think his journal tells us much about that, so I wrote some headcanons about this subject.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	Arthur suffers from intrucive thoughts

Arthur suffers from intrusive thoughts that haunt him. It happend to him at raddom situations like doing the dishes , changing his clothes, riding on the bus, whiletalking to people. He was dealing with them all his life but it´s not something he would ever be ableto get used to, because to him its something that tortures him from within.  
He feel bad about having these negative thoughts and its worst at night. Insomnia is one of the conditions that makes his intrusive thoughts even worse. When Arthur can`t sleep it not just like they cross his mind, its like they possess it.  
Dark thoughts, mostly about hurting himself, ednling his own life and sometimes endling the life of another person. Sometimes he gets triggered by seeing parents yelling at their kids, puling them violently on their small arm and thats when thoughts like "I should go and kill them to save the kid" start running through his head.  
Arthur gets triggered by certain words and situations that his subconsciousness connects to his childhood.   
One day you come home and find him sitting on his desk the room is darkened, not even the light on his table is burning. His back is facing you, he doesnt move ir say anything. You asked him whats wrong but he just lights himself a cig and won`t talk to you.  
You get really worried about his behaviour, so you come up to him, turn on the light and rest your hand on his shoulder. Arthurs muscles twitch as he tried to get away from you. The sharp pain gong right through your heart is unbearable. Why would he ever do that?   
Thats when you notice his journal lying in front of him, open, with some orn out pages. Most of them are blacked out, so you cant see much of it. But one page shows real dark drawings and some of his thoughts about wondering if he should eighter kill himself or all the people who deserve to die.  
You reach out to get one of the torn out pages. Wanting to tell him that if he needs to talk you are here. But the moment Arthur watches your hand touching the page he grabs your wrist, holding it so tight it hurts.  
You call out his name, softly and calm to proof to him that you didnt reached for the page to say something bad about it. But he wouldnt allow you to explain yourself. Arthur asks you to just leave him alone.   
A silent tear is running down your face, not knowing what to do or how to help him. You asure him that he can show you what he has written and that you wouldnt be mad about it. Whatever it was.  
"But what if I dont want you to see it?" he yells, a mixture of anger and pain in his eyes like you`ve never seen it before. This hurts. This situation hurts so much. You just leave the room and cry. Wondering why Arthur wouldnt trust you with his thoughts. You respect his privacy but you need him to know that there is nothing that he cant talk to you about.   
Watching him self isolate and torturing himself by being alone with his mind feels wrong and cruel. You go to the bedroom, trying to calm down, to think of anything that could show him how much you care and how much you want to be here for him, especially when he feels like this.  
An hour later Arthur knocks on the bedroom door and finds you crying under the sheets. He gently strokes you hair, telling you how sorry he is for yelling at you, but he was ashamed of the suff he drew and wrote on those pages and he was more than scared that you would read them and think bad of him, because for some of these thoughts he even hates himself.  
You sit up and rest your head on Arthurs chest. Its so good to feel him close again. The coldness of his back facing you while he wasnt talking back ,was unbearable.  
You tell him that there is nothing in the world that would ever made you think bad about him.   
Arthur tells you about his intrusive thoughts and how they cross his mind. How afraid he is of them and that he thinks of doing stuff that he would never do in his life. He feels guilty about some of them , others make him feeling scaed of himself. He tried to get them out of himself by writing them down but seeing them in actual letters made them even more real to him and he couldnt handle you reading them because to him these thoughts are not even something he really wants. Its like they dont belong to him.  
While Arthur tries to explain his fears to you, you watch him opening up. You let him rest his head in your lap and play with his har while he tries to explain how afraid he is of you knowng what is going on in his mind. How afraid of you loving him less afterwards. Of you being shocked by his thoughts. Arthur is afraid that you could be scared of him after reading it or seeing his latest drawings.   
You asure him that you couldnt never love him any less. That you kow what he has been through in his life and that its natural for his mind to find a way to cope with his trauma.  
Arhur gets up, grabs his journal and shows you the last few pages. You cant deny that they are beyong dark and you realize that having these thoughts inside of your head must be horrible. You realize that being him is even harder than you could have ever imagined. Arthur cannot escape from his own mind.   
He feels bad about still having these thoughts now that he has someone on his side- you- now that he is in love and feels loved in return. He feels guilty for still having negative thoughts. Shouldnt he be truly happy now? It hurts him so much to let you know that he is stilla victim of his mind.  
After reading the pages he was so afraid to show you, you take him deep into your arms and kiss him on the forehead, telling him that its okay. Its not his fault. This is something that has been done to him long ago and you will do anything in your powr to help him heal. But still having scars,wounds and darkness on the inside doesnt make him a bad person or a bad boyfriend. It makes him brave and srong for still being here, for still hoping and fighting and loving.


End file.
